Asking questions about your therapist being too hard or too soft on your child can be a learning experience

Applied Behavioral Analyses (ABA) therapy is about teaching your child life skills, academics, and positive behaviors in a fun environment. Sometimes that means your therapist may do something you don’t always understand. It’s always best to ask why, often, as once you understand you too can apply it at home.

One common question parents often ask is why the therapist is, or isn’t placing demands on a child, especially if the parent has done something entirely different regarding a behavior.

Is the Therapist being too hard?

Sometimes when a therapists places lot of demands, a child with Autism tantrums. However, this does not mean that the therapist should punish or spank.

 Many times you will see an ABA therapist holding a child still, forcing them to do things, or to sit still until they stop tantrumming instead of typical punishments like removing a toy, or time out. As a parent, this can be uncomfortable as we often go into survival mode and try to stop whatever has upset the child. Or bargain with them, or put them in time out, or any myriad of techniques that seem appropriate at the time.

An ABA therapist is unafraid of the meltdowns. They place the same demands that anyone would place on a child and hold them to it, sometimes literally, in a safe place.  

Is the Therapist being too soft?

However, on the other end of the spectrum you could ask, why is my therapist not jumping on the bad behavior enough?

Sometimes this is a legitimate concern and perhaps your therapist needs to consult with their team better if they are encouraging certain behaviors to continue. If you notice your child has started a new behavior because of what a therapist is doing, always consult the analyst or therapist. Sometimes therapists get it wrong too.

For example: Our child once started purposefully engaging in ‘bad’ behavior to find opportunities to get a demand. This was because, during therapy time when given a demand, he got a piece of candy for performing it correctly.  Of course, 40 minute long tantrums ensued as he stole items, gave them back, and then demanded candy for his confused version of good behavior. Looking back, it was a little funny to watch a child run with glee through the house as he stole his sisters night shirt, only to immediately bring it back, then head to the candy jar all proud of himself…as I stood there completely baffled. But at the time it was a confusing experience for everyone involved. We fixed this by speaking to the analyst who banned candy as a re-enforcer. The issue was remedied in less than a day.

But there are other reasons a therapist may not be addressing the behavior. Some techniques involve ignoring a behavior altogether until it naturally falls out of the child’s tool-box. Perhaps they’re licking the table and making silly noises because they think it’s funny, but actually this could be totally unhygienic if they were to do it outside of the home. Here, the therapist may ignore it until the child forgets about doing it because they’re not getting any fun out of it.

Another reason your therapist may not be addressing behaviors yet, is when therapy first begins. Therapists will go through a ‘honeymoon’ stage with the child when they meet. This is where they play, get the child to love them, teach them they’re a fun person and everything will be great. If they come down too hard to begin with, your child won’t want to be around them since they haven’t learnt this person is a fun person to play with. And ABA therapists believe a child HAS to have fun to learn.

 

It’s always best to ask questions that come to mind with your therapist— it can be a great learning experience for everyone involved, not just your child. This is somebody who will be working with your child for perhaps years to come, and being on the same page with their nuances will make everything run a little more smoothly.

 

Tips for Potty Training

Autism can cause a host of issues when it comes to potty training and there are many reasons. Some of these issues stem from a general development delay, communication issues and anxieties that accompany toileting.

The Trouble with Communication

There may be some problems with communication where the child is unable to express that they need the potty, or do not understand the line of questions associated with the potty such as: “Do you need the bathroom?”

Even body language can be a problem with children who have Autism; you may notice that your child has no warning signs before an accident, such as playing with their underwear or jumping up and down.

With Applied Behavioral Analyses (ABA) techniques like Verbal behavior methods or PECs can teach a child to understand and communicate more efficiently so fewer accidents happen. Specifically a visual schedule or social story can help a child who has trouble understanding language; this is several pictures showing what will happen when a child goes potty, from sitting on the toilette, to wiping, to washing their hands.

Sensory Issues and Potty Training

Another common issue for Autistic children is the sensory side of using a potty or diapers. Sometimes the bathroom is colder than other rooms in the house, the floor could be cold, the potty hole could be too intimidating, the diaper could comfort, the child may need a stool to stabilize their feet and may detest the sound of the toilette flushing. These are all things that spike anxiety and make potty time unpleasant. Most of these things can be adjusted, explained, and worked through together.

Make Potty Time Fun Again

As with many classic ABA methods, re-enforcers encourage a child to enjoy their potty time. This could be rewarding them with stickers, candy, or a special toy every time they successfully use the potty. Some parents use a special toy area that the child has access to after they have successfully used the bathroom. You can set this up in the corner of the room or in the bathtub.

Transitioning to the Potty

Finally, children with Autism often have transitional problems. This too may impact your potty training in a way that ‘typically developing’ children may not have to deal with. Moving straight from an activity or location can be traumatic for a child with Autism and they may have accidents to try to avoid potty time all together. Giving plenty of warning and being consistent can help.

 

ABA therapists have strategies for every situation that occurs, and they have probably seen it all before, or at least heard about it. This will make potty training so much easier on the parent and guarantee a greater chance of success.

Understanding how ABA therapy works can help your child out in many ways

As a parent involved in Applied Behavioral Analyses (ABA), it’s fantastic to jump in with two feet. At first it can be a scary experience, watching your child tantrum as the therapist waits it out when you’re used to soothing—and let’s be honest, panicking. But there is also a blissful feeling of control that comes with the charts and numbers applied to these things.

Our therapist had us tracking tantrums and your ABA therapist will likely do the same. How long where they lasting for? How many incidents of property destruction, violence, or self harm occurred? How bad was the destruction, violence or self harm? Suddenly this overwhelming experience becomes a numbers game. You detach from that fear and become a detective, getting to the route of the problem.

“Yes, he/she tantrumed for 20 minutes today, but looking back in the chart we can see they also tantrumed for the same amount on this day last week. Perhaps an incident of property destruction has gone down by one or two times in that last week? Perhaps we can identify something different about that day causing more tantrums?” Each reduced number and dash on the page becomes a little ray of hope.

ABA isn’t just a therapeutic experience for the child. Suddenly you’re not alone in this world of crying, screaming or strange and wonderful things your little one does. Here is somebody by your side, battling this world with you and your child, helping you navigate it together. And if you’re anything like me, you begin to miss these moments you share with another human being who understands your child’s nuances as well as you do (and sometimes even more). 

Jumping into ABA with two feet is scary, but it can be the most rewarding thing as a parent you could ever do with your Autistic child. Like being handed a magnifying glass to see into the cogs and turns in their mind. Finally you have the tools to conquer the behaviors, understand them, and help your child get to the other side of Autism. 

The impact of relationships for family and friends of an Autistic child

When there is disruption in the household between two people it affects everyone, and that can happen a lot with an Autistic child. Siblings of Autistic children may not interact with their ASD brother/sister, or there may be arguments and misunderstanding between them. This happens a lot because let’s face it sibling relationships are difficult as it is, but throw in a child who has trouble communicating, playing outside of their comfort range, with little understanding of social interaction, and there’s bound to be some issues. This isn’t anyone’s fault and the great thing about Applied Behavioral Analyses (ABA) is this can change for the better!

First it must be remembered that the other sibling may be hurting in this scenario. They often have a lot to take on with their Autistic sibling already; they may feel alienated, burdened, ashamed, guilty or frustrated. This is why it is not only the ‘typical’ child that should engage and interact. The Autistic child should be encouraged to join the other sibling with whatever they are playing. This can be done by physically moving the child to that location, following them and using encouragement. The caregiver should be with the Autistic child giving praise, support and allowing the other sibling to feel as if their brother/sister has entered their world.

Another technique that your ABA therapist may use is simple free play. Playing in the same area as each other in a new environment, such as a ball pit, play pen or the beach will foster a positive experience together. Which will help to build bonds; just as it would with another other siblings in the world.

Lastly, your therapist may have the other sibling reward the child with Autism. They could have your ‘typical’ child give the child with ASD a treat when they complete a task so the child with Autism recognize the sibling as somebody positive. After all, children of all ages work well with praise and build confidence and positive relationships upon this, why not get the other sibling involved? 

ABA can work to make any relationship stronger between your Autistic child and the other party, and sibling relationships are precious.

A tool that can help to reduce your child's anxiety

Children who have Autism often have trouble with transitions. A transition is just a fancy way of saying, going from one activity to the next, or one place to the next. Applied Behavioral Analyses (ABA) has plenty of tools in its toolbox to help your child overcome the meltdowns, or negative behaviors that occur after or during the transition.

This article talks about visual schedules…

Autistic children love routine and love knowing what’s going to happen next. Think about it this way:

A friend says they’re taking you away for the weekend. They want you to pack everything you need within 2 minutes so you can leave right away. If you don’t pack in time, you’re leaving any way and can’t gather what you need. You aren’t allowed to know the location, who is going to be there, or any clues to what you might need with you.

The scenario is a little exciting sure, but incredibly stressful. Do you pack jeans? Something formal? Hiking gear? Will you need soap? Will you need a towel? Can you gather your tools to be successful on this trip fast enough?

Springing a transition on an Autistic child is a lot like the above scenario. Without a schedule there is no walk-through, your child doesn’t know what to prepare for, what tools they might need from their coping toolbox, who might be there or how they’re expected to act socially. When a new activity is dropped on them out of nowhere, it’s akin to trying to pack a suitcase in 30 seconds flat…Oh and listen to what your parent tells you to do and do it right away! It is horribly overwhelming.

Knowing this, it’s a little wonder your child might be tantrumming, throwing their toys, or just plain sulking and refusing to go. After all, they probably don’t have the same tools an adult would, to navigate the situation.

A visual schedule is essentially pictures of all the locations your child will be visiting that day. Perhaps it’s different classes, or Grandma’s house. Whatever it is, take a picture and put it up on an hour by hour schedule and talk to your child about what you will be doing that day. Warn your child 30 minutes before you have a transition, and use the picture during a transition, to explain what is happening next. 

Once your child becomes familiar with the routine, and locations, things may get better. This is just a quick explanation, your ABA therapist can use these tools and more to help reduce your child’s anxiety.

A key piece of self-management puzzle is trying to identify emotional states and how they impact relationships

Emotional regulation for an Autistic child or adult is an important skill to have; being able to read body language and know when your behavior is appropriate can help you keep relationships and jobs.

If your Autistic child can’t recognize emotions in others or explain their own emotions, it can lead to a lot of undesirable behavior. They could get aggressive, they could bully, they could say inappropriate things, lose jobs, break relationships and much of it could be down to a misunderstanding.  Because an Autistic child doesn’t look at people’s faces often, or make eye contact, they miss a lot of the social interaction cues that babies learn early. Applied Behavioral Analyses (ABA) aims to put this development back on track. There are a few ways this can be done. One is with a picture system where each emotion is shown and the child points it out. Another is by displaying the emotion on your face, exaggerating it, and teaching the child to recognize it. But ultimately, the therapist will be aiming to make social interaction rewarding for your child. The more social interaction they are exposed to, the more they will learn through opening up discussion, and encouragement. Another way that therapist teach older children who have begun school, is with social stories. These are basic, short stories that explain a social scenario. They run through emotions, situations and appropriate way to respond to scenarios in a form that a small child could understand. 

Once a child understands emotions in themselves and others, it will be easier for them to read situations and react appropriately. Keeping their relationships healthy and giving them a much needed skill that they can utilize for the rest of their life.

Why the ABC's of ABA are important

Applied behavioral analyses therapy  (ABA) applies a tool that behavioral analyses use called ABC – Antecedent, behavior, consequence. This is a technique used in many behavioral therapies and is the foundation of why we do what we do, as human beings.

Every single parent has a behavior that we would like to change in our child, even if they aren’t Autistic. We wish they would put their socks away, not tantrum, go to bed on time or do their homework without being asked. As parents we negotiate, punish and set boundaries to help our child achieve the behaviors they need once they enter the world without us. ABC breaks down these behaviors into three parts to help us analyze and get the results we’re looking for.

If you’ve ever wondered why you’ve told your child 100 times not to do something? And think you’re setting the right punishment or reward for the behavior but are getting nowhere? Perhaps you aren’t looking at the antecedent.

What is an Antecedent?

An antecedent is a stimulus that occurs before the negative behavior. Such as: an action, circumstance or persons presence. It cues or sets off a certain reaction. It moulds our behavior— which is why ABA therapists will look at this first. If you can change the antecedent, you can change the negative behavior your child is displaying.

Here is an example of why looking at an antecedent can help…

A child is asked to sit in circle time during class. Instead, the child sits in the corner and waits for the teacher to drag the child back to the circle. The child continues this behavior until the teacher makes him sit at her feet as punishment.

In this scenario the child appears to not be interested in circle time and so is reprimanded and forced to so he doesn’t escape the situation. But look closer and you can see the real reason the child is running from the circle. To sit next to the teacher! If the teacher changed the antecedent (where the child is asked to sit in circle time) and instead asks the child to sit next to her, she could avoid this situation all together.

Behaviors occur in situations where they are reinforced; this is important to remember because rewarding a child works better than punishing them. So if you redirect the child to something else (in this case sitting next to the teacher), and interfere with the trigger or antecedent, over time the child’s behavior will be reduced.

Antecedents help us to remember to look at the root of the issue so we can turn the situation into a positive that helps our child function better in the world. And that’s why an ABA therapist will look closely at your child’s ABC’s.